Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)

Three Thousand Years of Longing is both epic in scope and deeply personal. It is a story of centuries but also of a moment in time. It is about how we tell stories, how stories tell truth, and how truth is how we experience it. It is incredibly fantastic while also remaining deeply honest. It starts with words that tell us it is the truth told in a fairy tale. For me Longing was a lovely tale, brought to glorious life on a big screen, and touchingly beautiful in both its execution and in its narrative.

This is the story of a woman and the djinn she finds, how they transform each other. We are all familiar with stories of a genie granting 3 wishes and this story manages to be both that story and something which upends the story we know. Because this film is always about being two things at once, where both can be true. This is a big part of the magic of this movie. It manages to be everything we need it to be, even when that contradicts itself. 

Swinton is perfect in her role as the outsider by choice who finds connection. Swinton is both cast on and against type taking on this part. She so often perfectly embodies the other and here she is that but is also us. So as she connects with the fantasy of Elba, and what is Elba able to embody on screen if not a perfect fantasy, so do we. And he to us. The chemistry between them is remarkable and just uncomfortable enough to give it the incredible energy this story needs while being as relatable as any romance. 

But it is also about the nature of story telling itself. Humans have relied on legends and myths and parables and jokes and stories of all sorts as a way of connecting, a way of communicating, a way of being... human. Longing captures all the mystery and honesty of that in a visually stunning film which creates magic right before our eyes. 

Elba spins his 1001 Nights style stories and Miller films it all with an operatic motivation. But it remains all contained in one hotel room and it remains a story of connection between two beings. Three Thousand Years is gorgeous to watch on a big screen and this paired with the intimacy between the characters makes for a delicious mix. So much of the beauty of this story is wrapped up on those wondrous contradictions.

Three Thousand Years of Longing

Starring: Tilda Swinton, Idris Elba, Amito Lgum, Matteo Bocelli 

Director: George Miller

Writers: Augusta Gore, George Miller

Samaritan (2022)

The premise behind Samaritan is a good one, and despite his penchant for wooden acting Stallone is a good choice for the role. But this film just never pulls it off. I liked how they kept the concept simple, sticking to the idea and not trying to over complicate things. But the film perhaps goes too simple. The film plods along and feels predictable, and never quite explores any themes beyond the most basic in its premise. So in the end it feels forgettable.

There really is no getting over Stallone's "acting" style which is clunky and awkward. As a "former" action star his role as a "former" hero is dream casting but he never sells the role enough to let me buy into it. On the other hand young star Javon Walton shows a great deal of promise as the idealizing young fan and Pilou Asbæk has great fun camping it up as the villain. But Stallone is the centre of this and he always felt like an actor playing the character, never the character. He's not terrible. He's just Stallone and you either embrace his performance or you don't. For me he didn't work. 

But it isn't all on Stallone's shoulders. The film feels paint by numbers and runs through its rote plot fairly standardly. When we get to the climax and the film's "twist" we expected it. We all saw it coming. To be honest the twist makes it a better movie. I just wish I hadn't been waiting for it the whole time. 

And that sums up what's "wrong" with Samaritan. It's not bad. It is just so damn expected. 

Samaritan

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Javon Walton, Pilou Asbæk, Dascha Polanco

Director: Julius Avery

Writer: Bragi F. Schut

 

Emily the Criminal (2022)

Aubry Plaza keeps playing these compelling, complicated, difficult to like characters that just suck you in. Emily the Criminal is another high for her. The movie does just enough to give her the platform to play out this damaged character. 

Emily the Criminal sets out clearly just how stacked against us the system is. Emily is a mix of everywoman with just a hint of pushed- to-the-edge. She doesn't always make the best decisions, the film sets this out even before the story really gets going, but it also highlights how she doesn't often get good choices to choose from. She is doing the best she can with the cards dealt to her. There is a thesis here and it's heavy. Sometimes the film's plot seems just a little too inservice of its thesis, but mostly it serves the story well and again showcases Plaza. 

By the end you are both rooting for her and devastated by her. The film keeps its story tight and powerful, never getting too far off coarse. It is a bit of a gut punch and so much of that has to do with how well Plaza brings Emily to life. 

Emily the Criminal

Starring: Aubry Plaza, Theo Rossi, Megalyn Echikynwoke, Gina Gershon

Writer/Director: John Patton Ford

 

Fall (2022)

I had goosebumps the whole time I was watching Fall. Climbing makes no sense to me and I’m extremely acrophobic. So it was pushing all my buttons. Fall knows what it is doing and sticks to it. It is a thrilling B-movie that tells its story of two climbers stuck with no way down. It doesn’t try to do anything more but then tell that story well. 

And it mostly does. It sets up its story and characters with just enough to invest us and make us buy into the story. Then it just tells it with cinematography they just amplifies the tension perfectly. 

It goes on a little too long at the end and every climber knows when you do this you have someone waiting back home that you check in with at a certain time so that when you don’t come back they send help. Otherwise it pulls off its story well 

And fuck fun  didn’t have goosebumps the whole time. 

Fall 

Starring: Grace Caroline Currey, Virgina Gardner

Director: Scott Mann

Writers: Jonathan Frank, Scott Mann

 

Beast (2022)

a lot of films get called “Jaws” with legs but this might be the closest thing to it. Beast is a good old fashioned monster movie where a real predator hunts people in a way the real predators wouldn’t. The script does a lot of great work telling just enough character background Andy story set up to get us into the plot. And then when the plot kicks into high gear it grabs us, shakes us around, and leaves us bleeding out. 

There isn't much more than that to Beast but we don’t need more. And there aren’t too many moments that ask us to suspend too much disbelief that it starts to feel manipulative. If you can buy into the premise of a lion stalking humans as revenge for poachers killing his pride then you’re in for the adventure and the film doesn’t ask us to suspend too much disbelief. 

I was sufficiently perched on the edge of my seat despite the story being rather predictable. Much of this is due to the strong cast selling it. You care for them and want to see them survive. And so up to the end you are glued to it and eating up all the man vs lion action. 

Beast

Starring: Idris Elba, Sharlto Copley, Iyana Halley, Leah Sava Jeffries

Director: Baltasar Kormákur

Writer: Ryan Engle

 

Day Shift (2022)

There isn't a lot to say about Day Shift. It's one of the more standard action comedies to come along in a while employing all the typical tropes of the "buddy cop" genre mixed with the fantastic vampire elements. It's generally watchable if entirely predictable. Everything about Day Shift feels average from the script to the performances. The only thing that doesn't feel average are the special effects which are pretty much terrible. Clearly the makers of this film didn't feel it was worth the investment to make it look real.  

The premise is good. Foxx is a vampire hunter who uses a pool cleaning business as a cover who gets paired with Franco as his union rep and they quite predictably become friends as they kill the bad vampires. But the execution is just so-so. As I said, you'll see everything coming. Some of the jokes are funny enough but the story is just so rote that it's hard to ever muster up enough energy to care about the characters (each a stereotype) or the outcome of the plot. 

Despite its fantastic elements Day Shift is made for a mainstream audience looking for something to watch while they scroll through their phones at the same time. This isn't a nerd movie. The world building here is some of the laziest I've come across in a long time. The plot of the villain is developing a sunscreen so vampires can walk around in the day. Yeah I know...

The film makes a number of illusions to The Lost Boys, including the funny and irreverent final line. But Day Shift is derivative for sure and holds little in common with that classic. 

But having said all this it really isn't terrible. If you go in just expecting something completely forgettable and mildly amusing you might get your money's worth. This is the kind of film streaming has really fostered as it's the sort of thing you'd be pissed off to have bought a ticket for but to throw on one night when you've already subscribed it can be decent background noise. 

Day Shift

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Dave Franco, Snoop Dog, Natasha Liu Bordizzo, Megan Good, Peter Storemare

Director: JJ Perry

Writers: Tyler Tice, Shay Hatten

 

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

One cannot talk about what makes Bodies Bodies Bodies great without spoiling it. Because it's the ending. The film saves the "punchline" for the last shot and it's a good one. One could talk about the film's clever plotting of the famous And Then There Were None tropes, the strong cast's great performances, and how beautifully Reign films her story despite it being mostly in the dark without spoiling anything. But it is the way the film plays with our expectations and through that offering a prescient critique of privilege culture which make it so fascinating. And to understand that you have to know the ending. 

So if you haven't seen it just know it's well worth your time and stop reading here. 

*Spoilers*

The film plays a lot of cat and mouse with its audience giving us reason to suspect everyone and anyone. Each character is revealed to be dislikable in some way with reasons to want to lash out and hurt others for the own benefit. Bodies is set in the upper class world where our characters perform virtue but descend quickly into selfish and willfully blind behaviour. But the script is clever enough to actually give its characters real motivations as well as real opportunities to be the "bad guy" so figuring out the puzzle is confoundingly fun.

Which is why it is such a great reveal at the end when we realize there is no murderer. The deaths are all caused by the behaviour of the characters, not through any intent to kill. No one is stalking the others. But their choices, mostly grounded in self-serving acts, lead to accidental deaths one after another. And the panic that arises leads to more, becoming a self perpetuating cycle. 

And the film is saying that about us, especially those who live with privilege. We are often making choices and treat people in ways that lead to hurting ourselves. And then we look for who to blame, mostly pointing fingers at those who aren't responsible, ignoring our own complicity in the tragedies around us. 

And that is what makes the ending of Bodies Bodies Bodies so satisfying. That and the fact that even up to the end it's a tight, fun, film that entertains the brain and the heart. 

Bodies Bodies Bodies

Starring: Amanda Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Lee Pace, Pete Davidson

Director: Halina Reijn

Writer: Sarah DeLappe

 

Prey (2022)

Prey brings the Predator series back to basics, focuses on story and character, and delivers a completely satisfying action movie. Beautifully shot, Prey is a joy to watch, keeping you on the edge of your seat and making you squirm just enough to keep you from getting complacent. All in all Prey is a great time.

Amber Midthunder has incredible star potential. She captivates the screen and grounds the story in her character's lived experience. I do hope we get to see her do more in the future.

I understand the film went to great lengths for historical accuracy. I also understand there had a questionable advisor who may have skewed some of that accuracy. It's too bad too because this film generally does such a good job of setting its fantastic story in a very real world. To lose some of that is a real shame. 

But overall Prey succeeds by telling a strong story, building fascinating mythology, and introducing us to characters that we want to see more of. Here's hoping there is a great deal of life left in this series. 

Prey

Starring: Amber Midthunder, Dakota Beavers, Dane DiLiegro, Michelle Thrush

Director: Dan Trachtenberg

Writers: Patrick Aison, Dan Trachtenberg

 

Luck (2022)

After leaving Pixar amid accusations of inappropriate behavior John Lassiter had moved to Skydance Animation to run their new studio and his first outing is Luck. He’s put out a Pixar-like story about an unlucky girl who enters the world of luck! Reminiscent of films like Monsters Inc. or Inside Out which create worlds of fantasy out of human emotion Luck feels like it tries but never quite reaches that success. 

Luck has a lot going for it but always feels like a near miss. The story just never hooks you quite enough despite being reasonably watchable. The characters are all interesting enough but never as gripping as the characters we’ve seen in Pixar films. And the world bout here always feels like it never quite gels. Everything about Luck feels… almost. 

But despite that it’s watchable. Perhaps not really rewatchable but watchable still. 

We’ll see if Skydance’s next can make more of the magic or if Lassiter left that behind when he left Disney. 

Luck
Starting: Eva Noblezada, Simon Pegg, Jane Fonda, Whoopi Goldberg, Flula Borg, Colin O’Donoghue, John Ratzenberger
Director: Peggy Holmes
Writer: Kiel Murray

Bullet Train (2022)

Leitch has made a light fun action comedy that takes much of the best of his past work like John Wick and Deadpool 2 and offers a really fun time at the cinema. Funny, filled with fascinating drawn oddball characters, and overflowing with fun twists and turns, Bullet Train is perhaps a bit too silly, but so damn entertaining that doesn’t matter. It’s the kind id wild ride that makes going to the movies so much fun. 

The cast are all having a great time. Pitt is in his element and perfect as the loveable centre of this story. But he’s not alone. Everyone here does a great job of creating this cast of characters and making them living and breathing cartoon characters, even the few surprise cameos. 

Leitch pulls it all together so well, spinning his fish tale with clever abandon and style. He keeps it fairly light, even when hacking people up it’s all a little quick, kept mostly off screen, and moved on to the next. He keeps it fun. So grab your popcorn and sit back to enjoy. 

Bullet Train 

Starting: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Brian Tyree Henry, Aaron Taylor Johnson, Hiroyuki Sanada, Andrew Koji, Michael Shannon, Bad Bunny, Sandra Bullock, Zazie Beetz, Logan Lerman, Karen Fukuhara, Masi Oka, Channing Tatum, Ryan Reynolds 

Director: David Leitch 

Writer: Zak Olkewicz