I couldn't tell what was "off" about You Hurt My Feelings until about half way through. We are so conditioned when we watch movies (or read stories, follow series, listen to songs) to expect melodrama and conflict that when a movie is about relatively healthy people working through real emotions in productive and respectful ways we aren't really sure what to make of it. Writer/director Holofcener's script is sharp and subtle but one thing it is not is condescending. It is about adults dealing with adult feelings in adult ways. In that way it is quite remarkable.
Menzies and Louis-Dreyfus fit together so nicely here as a long term couple who "don't have affairs" and treat each other well. They have a new adult son who they also treat very well. But as humans they make little missteps and they have to navigate those choosing to do so in ways that actually address the problems, don't lead to comic misunderstandings or overly dramatic crises. This may be the most grown-up movie I have seen in a long time.
The film is subtly funny, not making you guffaw but certainly making you smile quite often. But the real power of the film is how real it feels. Truly so many romantic comedy tropes are about a toxicity that needs to be overcome and it was such a breath of fresh air to see good people dealing with real life, complex and grown up emotions in ways that were constructive and nurturing.
I vote for more of this please.
You Hurt My Feelings
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Amber Tamblyn, David Cross
Writer/Director: Nicole Holofcener
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